When family members show independence and decide to manage their affairs without disturbing you or without being dependent on you, then you should be proud of them and feel happy..
Not exactly though. I have worked hard and saved for them and I would like to manage their affairs, lovingly and reducing their burden. I don’t get the feeling of fulfillment, unless I get to assist them in making their lives easier and fulfilling their dreams.
So it’s natural that I get disappointed when my attempts are politely declined. Though there’s no love lost, I have a feeling of being unfulfilled……
To give an easier example, one of them is not keen on me opening and funding an account in her name. I feel sad when she shows exasperation when the bank contacts her for things like KYC. Of course you know how crude our banks can be.
Ideally, I should be okay as it’s an indication that she is self sufficient and confident. But I miss the happiness of being there for her always.
In the other case, I want to make a substantial investment in the house buying of the family member in a very expensive foreign city. Since the amount is large, I identified a lawyer who wanted to talk to her directly. Now it’s more than 2 months and she has not bothered to call. There’s no love lost, her view is that the money I made is for me to use. But I want to make that contribution to enable her a better purchase.
And now this family member. She is very very close to me and we do so many things together which makes me very happy. I always give her priority and do things which pleases her and follow things religiously that we have set up for daily observance.
My love and affection is so much that I want to be involved in her life, managing her things for her. She is very independent and surely I have gained and learned a lot from her. She also is very kind and loves me dear.
And in addition to assisting her in her dream of acquiring a place in her favorite place and deciding to bridge any gap with financial investment and working on identifying the Best Buy, I want to use my experience and track record in managing certain things for her to reflect my love and affection.
I just want to manage her travel/ holiday and become the manager of her finances- be her portfolio manager. I am ok if she wants to manage the travel and holidays as long as I find a place in some of them.
But let me be in charge of the financial planning. I have the track record in identifying the best asset allocation and I have the plan to make investment contribution to make the wealth creation to happen faster.
This is natural when you’re family and when I love you so much.
So, imagine my condition when I don’t even get a response. I know you are embarrassed to make me spend time for you and you’re proud and capable. But remember it’s natural when you’re family and the best way of returning love is by making sure that you respond……
While acknowledging your independence, capabilities and wisdom beyond age and your desire not to trouble me, I want to tell you that these tasks give me ultimate joy and I will be thrilled if I can get prompt acknowledgements to begin with.
For, good deeds come back and love returns …… and to be happy is most important…… please……
Declaring a holiday here in this emotionally charged atmosphere